This post responds to Ju’s post.

I totally agree that it feels awful without that someone you can commiserate with. As student, the homework/ assignment given – more or less the same. Correction, as undergrad, that is. Now that seeing Ju openly talking about it, I would like to give a piece of my mind, too.

I’m not sure about the working culture in other countries/ institutes. In the institute I’m working at, we’re not encouraged to discuss with other people your project (at least my PI says so), with the reason of confidentiality. Even the other members of under the same PI might or might not have an idea about what the others doing. It makes it feels horrible because if you face any difficulties, there are virtually none you can talk to about. Of course, some might say, it’s just work after all, don't be vexed. And on top of that, we've got paid. So it’s ‘reasonable’ to feel stress. That comes back to the question of not comparing each other’s lives and nobody knows what’s going on exactly.

With Ju’s comparing her hons project with her friend’s project – the stress level, the technique, the time and energy needed, I, too, compare my job scope (and salary package) to the others. While other LE and some RA are merely follow instruction carrying out some experiments, why do I need to DECIDE and DESIGN the experiment. Like I will bear the responsibility if I decide to purchase the wrong cell line or the wrong Ab. Like I have the final say on what cancer I want to do. Apart from the ‘great responsibility’ that is given to me, I feel burden. I somewhat think I need some guidance FIRST before you throw me to decide on my own experiment. Of course to do the experiment ITSELF is okie. But what we used to have in poly/ uni is that all the whatever materials have been decided for you – and you just need to follow the protocol, step by step. Isn’t it a simple life? Well, life is never this simple. And this is just one part, not to mention the bioinformatics part. NCBI could be my most fav website in the future (I can't say for sure), but it’s definitely NOT my fav site for now. I know it’s stupid but I secretly hope that it’s down for a day or two. And the third part – this has something to do with the hazardous level ie the working environment we, as student/ scientist face. The carcinogen (EtBr, acrylamide etc), the radioactive materials, the cytotoxic material, the biohazardous material, to name just a few. And I actually need to pay more to get insured. Yet my pay is not a lot more higher. No wonder people say one really needs passion to be in this science field. This is because passion will then superceed all others weakness, for example fear (health level wise).

My colleague is so sure that he will die of lab-acquired disease with the amount of chemical he breath in, the hazard of chemical/ reagents he used, etc. Wouldn’t it be ironic if we, those who work in lab, trying to find cure/ underlying causes of cancer, die of cancer ourselves? And reason, due to prolong exposure of whatever chemical needed for the experiments. And prolong unhealthy lifestyle (as what I observed, most people in my lab start works around 11am, and never go home until 10pm). As I slowly adopt their working hour, I’m horrified. That will mean my life is all about work (coz all other people are having the normal 9-5 working schedule). No more friends no more outings no more meals no more pubbing no more datings. I darn what my colleague said to me ‘I think you are married to the gene XXX while I’m to YYY’. The only exercise we get to do is standing up all day doing experiments (for some day), or don’t move at all sitting in front of computer clicking away at the NCBI sites. Oh, sorry correction. I need to include the part where we need to climb up the slope to get to the building I’m working at.

I think I whine too much. I know that boss has been very stress himself as HIS boss will be stressing him as well. I think I just need a let out and some crisp-air and away from this city and I’ll be fine. The KK trip with other 700 crows did help in a big way, and the effect is still on-going. It’s just that I’m not sure how long this can last.

I truly appreciate talking to baibs* the other day. At least makes me feel more positive with all this shitty going on. And also ju’s post. Without her stimulus, I doubt I will ever consider sitting down and letting out what has been bothering me for the past few weeks.